Paranoia.

I hate being paranoid so much. I can never be relaxed in this life. It’s one thing or another; I’m afraid of being cheated on again. Now dont get me wrong here. I love my girlfriend to pieces, it’s just most of my past relationships; it didnt end too well, let’s just say that. Every time I see her talk to another guy or if she’s hiding something for me, I cant help but think that. Now dont go point fingers at her, it’s not her fault, it’s mine for being this paranoid. I hate it. Secondly; School. I’m paranoid that I’m not going to get that 4.0 I’ve always had since middle school. Thus lessening my chance of getting into college. I dont have a sort of transportation to do community service, nor the time. On top of that I get grounded for grades so I lose most of my privileges. Which is not fun. I wish there was some way that I can prove that I can keep all these privileges (and even though with a grade less than an A) I can still bring it up even without being grounded. It’s redundant I know. I’m paranoid because of all of these, but I’m still asking for more responsibility. I’m really just tired of being a kid. I want to grow up and have fun. For me (I’m kinda weird like that) I love having responsibility, I love having something to do and take care of. But currently I dont think I have that capacity yet. I’m still having to be told what to do and when to do it. I really need to improve this.